“Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country.” (Anais Nin)
Ten and a half years ago I chose to make a 180-degree turn in my life. I left Phoenix, Arizona where I’d lived for over 30 years, where I’d been married and raised two children and built community and developed several businesses. I had a wild dream that my life could be immeasurably different, richer, more true to who I sensed myself becoming.
I didn’t have much in the way of answers, but I had plenty of questions. “Where will I make my new home? Who will be my friends? How will I support myself? What will my walk in the world look and feel like?” At times the unknown felt terrifying. I trusted deep in my soul though that there could be no “wrong” choices, that every experience would be a learning, and that Way would become clear. In my heart I kept coloring my dream with increasingly vibrant detail, asking for more freedom, more openings for authenticity and creativity.
Ultimately, I found myself in Santa Fe, New Mexico. On the surface I believed I’d been called there because of the Sky and the Light and the Land. Certainly, this was partially true. Over time I discovered that it went much deeper than the beauty of geography. I was led here to embrace an emotional and spiritual transformation journey of astonishing magnitude, something I’d been wanting but never could have put into words.
My first few years in northern New Mexico felt especially tough and messy, filled with loss and grief. I seriously considered leaving. The challenges didn’t have anything to do with where I was living and everything to do with who I was and the growth I’d been asking for. It was a phenomenal season of death and rebirth for me.
The wild dream I cast into space more than a decade ago has brought me to a wise and patient teacher, caring community, intimate relationship with the Earth and her creatures, a completely fresh way of sharing my gifts in the world and, most importantly, the capacity to love and accept myself unconditionally. Life is far from nice and neat and tidy. I wasn’t looking for that. It’s big and unpredictable and filled with endless opportunities . . . as vast as the vaulted blue New Mexico Sky.
What dream are you nurturing for your own life? What are you asking for?