“You almost have to step outside yourself and look at you as if you were someone else you really care about and really want to protect. Would you let someone take advantage of that person? . . . Or would you speak up for them? If it was someone else you care about, you'd say something. I know you would. Okay, now put yourself back in that body. That person is you. Stand up and tell 'em, 'Enough!' ” (Queen Latifah, "Put on Your Crown: Life-Changing Moments on the Path to Queendom")
How easeful or challenging does it feel for you to say "no?" How does it feel to you to set boundaries to ensure care for yourself?
This is an enormous issue for many people – especially women - this matter of being honest about what we do and don’t want in our lives. The pattern of pleasing others, swallowing our truth and keeping the peace runs like a vast subterranean river deep in our codependent souls. We have learned how to navigate it all too well.
For years I struggled in partner and marital relationships because I lacked the self-love to declare who I really was. I was so busy being agreeable, trying to create a flawless world for those around me, but I lacked the tools to confront natural differences in desire and perception. This self-protective approach only ended up wounding those I loved as well as myself.
However, my pain invited me to head in a radical new direction, toward truth. My turning point came when I realized that if I remained in my marriage (my second marriage to the same man), I would be choosing slow death. And I wanted Life, with a capital “L.” I didn’t know it then, but that’s when I began saying “no” to living inauthentically and started taking my first steps toward unconditionally loving and accepting myself.
Where are you in your journey of standing up and declaring, “Enough!”?